Portrait of Christ

Part I

            Imagine, if you will,
            The last few days of Christ.
            Before the Crucifixion.

            Barabbas released;
            Unfair for the fair.
            Christ to the Cross, the rotten wood.
            To be given the worst death sentence
            Of His time.

            Thorny crown on His head
            Deeply piercing for blood.
            Mocked as a “fake”
            With a purple robe, made fun of.

            Bearing His own heavy tree
            To the hills of Golgotha.
            Barefoot.  On gravel.  Bleeding.
            Sweat dripping down mixed with blood,
            Stenching His white clothes.

            Crucified on the third hour
            With His title over Him.
            Spat at.
            Ridiculed at.  Insulted.

            Loneliness.  In Anguish…
            Darkness filled the sky.
            So dark that the earth shook.
            And at a tremendous rate,
            The sins of the Past,
            The Present,
            And the Future flowed
            Vehemently into Him.

            But the worst was not over
            For God had to abandon Him.
            “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?!”
            So He screamed to the Heavens
            About to be handed over to
            Isolation in Hell.

            Yet, they still had to torture Him.
            Offered vinegar as a drink to worsen His thirst
            To a man who lost one pint too many.

            In His pains & sorrow,
            He cried out loudly…
            It echoed to the eight corners of the Earth.
            And…
            His head fell.

            The tearing of the curtains
            Showed the Father’s anger.
            The nature brought
            Calamity for
            It even showed mournful heart.

             …And as if that wasn’t enough,
            They had to put a spear through Him
            To shed only more blood
            And split His White clothes
            Amongst themselves,
            To satisfy their greed beyond their soul.

            Humiliation.  in front of everyone.
            Torture.  smeared into His pure body.
            Mockery.  of disdain and indifference.
            Pain.  that was humanly unbearable.
            PAIN!  The Father’s Abandonment.
            Isolation.  beyond anyone’s Imagination in Hell.
            Abandonment.  no longer feeling Father’s Presence…
            His Vitality.
            Now,
            One who was always full of Spirit
            Was now full of sin.

Ska haters need not apply here…

If you know a bit about me, my all time band (Christian or not) is FIF, aka “Five Iron Frenzy”.  Music style may be classified as ska but to me, they are funny ska.  😛

They disbanded two years ago (on a good note unlike many others) but their impact on someone like me is still very strong.  One unique aspect of the band, and esp. the lead singer, Roper, is that they are very open and honest, and it shows in their lyrics.

Though labeled as Christian ska band, they show their humanity side while proclaiming Jesus along with lots of their own “wake-up” criticism on this dormant society of ours.  Just listen to their albums and you will see what I mean. 

The first album I every purchased was “Our Newest Album Ever” and it just blew me away… at their being so honest with being themselves:  silly but serious about what they believed in.  It reminded me of Purpose Driven Life chapter that talks about how we worship God by being ourselves as we are designed for.  Well then, FIF definitely lived to worship God being themselves!

Some of their funniest songs are such as the “pants songs” from “Quantity is Job 1“.  Being silly is who they are… but also in singing about our lives here and the struggles that we have daily.  Such songs are on “The End is Here” like live version of “Every New Day” (originally from Our Newest Album Ever) and they really spoke to someone like me.

Truthful.  Honest.  Funny.  Serious.  Faithful.  That’s what FIF has taught me and witnessed to me…   God bless them.

The Pieces of the Puzzle are coming together…

Wow…. I found this just today!  Written 10 years ago! 

May 9, 1996

I was working on the puzzle again and this time, I noticed something different.  Because the puzzle was started not too long ago, not many pieces are put together.  What’s more is that some are connected rather loosely.  The pieces are barely hanging together to the frame and they are very fragile when shear is applied.  Yet, as I put in one more piece at a time, it adds more rigidity to the puzzle.  It holds the puzzle a little bit more firmly.   Such is the Body of Christ where each one plays an integral and important part in keeping the Body together and united.

On the similar note, when I tried to put a wrong piece in a place that it does not belong, many a times, the piece ends up damaged and ruins the structure.  Sometimes, they look as if it was exactly right piece yet with closer look, it didn’t.  When we try to place someone where they do not belong, have the gifts for, nor is called by God, everything will go ugly and the person involved will end up not only hurt but also suffering with the Body as well.

As each puzzle finds its place and where it belongs, the puzzle becomes clearer of what it is supposed to represent:  the picture.  The structure of it becomes stronger and things start to make sense.  A piece, by itself, does not make any sense at all… yet in a well-put puzzle with other pieces, it sure makes sense.  As Christ guides each one of us and shows us how and where we fit into the Body of Christ, His Church, both local and universal, becomes strengthened and the LORD’s plan begins to make sense to us.

I have to thank God for giving me the gift that seeks to learn constantly.  I have learned so much from my own research and classes, and in life and nature.  I do believe that if we looked close enough, we should be able to learn more about God, Christ, and His Mighty Plans for us all…  After all, God did create the world and calculus.  If only people tried to find God and His lessons in daily life would we be a little wiser and more discerning…

Transient Lifestyle

As my church goes through Purpose Driven Life study, one of the day’s topic touched on how the Christians should ponder on our lives as those of aliens and transient people.  Why?  Because this place called Earth is a transient place for us.

Thinking about that, I again remembered how my life has been moving from one place to another, not having lived in a place for more than 4 years (except for Houston!).  It encompasses 3 countries (S. Korea, England, and U.S.), 3 states (NJ, MA, TX) and countless cities (Chonju, Seoul, London, Harlow, Parsippany, Worcester, Austin, Houston).  Except for Houston and Chonju, I have always lived in each place for 4 years or less.  Even if I did live in Chonju and Houston more, I have always moved around.

Moving around and living in apartments have always been my life.  Transient life has been my story.  That’s why Hebrews 11:13-16 have always hit home and been my life verses.  The reason this hits home more than ever is because of all the pressures around me lately of “investing” in a home.  Though there are countless practical reasons to owning a home, I have never had huge desire.  People are always telling me how I’m throwing money away, but now I feel that if I do buy a home, I feel like I am abandoning God’s calling of this transient lifestyle.

I’ve always felt and knew that this would be the foundation of my future as a missionary, be it here or elsewhere, and I knew that God made me live such a life for a reason.  For me to leave that now is to abandon His calling for me.  Though I may have hated living such a life in the past of my youth, I thank God for such experiences and privileges… and I pray that my kids would as well.

The “Kindred Spirit” Friend

We expect and try to make good friends. In fact, we reserve the words “best friend” for very special people in our lives: the ones that click with us and our minds, commonality of some kind. It’s usually the similarities of who we are that drives us to find such ones.

The downside of finding such “best friends” can be (and is) a lifelong project. Friendships usually take time. I give it at least 3 years to really see if the person is truly a good friend. Why? Only time can cover many folds of a relationship. When one meets someone, usually, it’s just the surface we see. Only through tough trials and difficult circumstances can you tell whether that person can be your good friend, let alone a best friend.

However, there are rare times and instances that you come across person(s) who do not require such long time to be “tried” out. My wife, Soojin, uses the words “kindred spirit” taken from The Anne of Green Gables. Kindred spirit is someone who shares your vision and mindset, the essentials of who you are and who you want to be. I’ve thus far, since Christ, met 3 people. My younger brother, Paul, is not one of them since I’ve known him all my life. I’m talking about the people you meet and within a short amount of time (usually less than a year, sometimes, in a matter of a few months or weeks). Roland Allen, Dan Suh, and Paul Minifee are such friends of mine.

I’ve met Roland while I was at WPI attending St. John’s KUMC. He was an admissions office director at MIT! But as a person of who he is, he and I shared such amazing commonalities. It was only natural to find out he had so many good friends! Just ask him how many. 😉 He is significantly older by age, but I realized and learned from him that the age is not the limit in such cases.

I then moved to Austin and met Dan Suh, who is also older by 4 years. But Dan was also an amazing person who showed me the enthusiasm and passion for where he wanted to be. I had the privilege of being his roomie for about six months before he moved to California to attend seminary. But we still keep in touch and share what’s been going on.

Then there’s Paul who is same age as I am. When I met Paul, I knew in matter of few weeks that we were kindred in spirit. Personality, vision, and who we are were very similar. I have never met such encomapssingly friendly person in my life. Ever. Needless to say, I stay in touch with him though I’ve gotten married and he is about to become a professor! 😀

However, time and life is not so kind even at the best of relationships. Why? Life just goes on whether you decide to jump on it or stay behind. I think sometimes that God deliberately made it that way… so that we would see that even the best of the best friendships are nothing compared to Him. So that persons like myself would realize that depending on friendships, though definitely needed and appreciated AND encouraged by God (I always think of David and Jonathan), are still the kind that fleets away.

Only Christ is the ultimate Kindred Spirit. But I still appreciate you 3 guys who I would entrust my life with should it be required though we have drifted apart and are continuing to become different people.

The Goal for my Kids

With so many parents going just about bonkers in how to raise their cihldren, teaching them piano and violin at the age of 4, finding ways to sign up all kinds of things to learn and all, I feel like … I haven’t left Korea! 😮

The mania is catching up here as more and more parents are focusing on education and jobs and future. I find it hard to raise my kids to be… well, kids. Sending the kids to the best montessori and seeing if he/she learns faster than other kids, or develops skills faster… we, the parents, have become monsters.

In the light of this, but even well before this, I wanted my kids to grow up being kids, enjoying their youth, and not having to worry about if they can pass pre-algebra. I’m not against education. I just don’t want to get carried away like all the other parents who think that montessori is a life-changing decision for their kids.

All I want my kids to learn before they attend school is to know and learn just one thing: that their parents love them dearly. More than skills and education, I feel that today’s children grow up without the much needed basic essentials like being confident of themselves, and knowing who they are. I believe that most of this comes from the parents. I pray that Soojin and my love will be so evident that Anna and JJ will not even question whether they feel loved or not. I believe that when a child is so sure of his/her parents’ love for him/her, the child will begin life with the firm foundation. One’s self-confidence and direction, after all, comes from love. This in no way means that we will spoil them either as I can’t tolerate such selfish actions. Discipline, I believe, is also an action out of love when done responsibly.
If my kids want to learn piano and ballet, that’s one thing. I do want to push new things at them so they can experience new things of life, but I in no way ever will SHOVE it down to their throat. I will have thanked God for allowing me to be their source of confidence in their such malleable lives.

I pray that that is not asking too much: for them to grow up learning in their hearts that we love them. More than knowledge, recognition, fame, wealth, and materials, I want my kids to grow up enjoying life God has given them and live them for God to the fullest.

Pondering on the fatherhood…

I wonder what God was thinking and feeling … when He created us.

Why do I ponder you ask? That’s because I find both joy and frustration at this point in time. It’s always a joy to see life growing as well as learning new things, doing things that you never imagined possible. Yet, when they whine and cry at the tiniest things, it can drive any human darn near crazy!

I had such case of the latter today… things were going as usual… fed them, cleaned them up, let them play a bit so I can rest, took them to Wal Mart for our shopping… and when we return, my second baby goes awall about the candy snack I give him. Wow… my voice climbs higher and louder than any rock band. As I sit down now, I still wonder what God was thinking… and all I have to say is that I’m so glad he’s not a human! 🙂