Anna’s first year in public school system has been great. She loves going to school and is always excited about learning… However, there has been a bit of… concern.
There’s this girl in her class that has been saying negative things to Anna. It all started with “You are not my friend” type of simple (but common, unfortunately) negative comments whenever Anna didn’t play with this girl or wanted to control her. Anna is mostly a very sweet girl who gets along with everyone else and tries to be kind. Unfortunately, that’s her weakness as well and so even such statement makes her cry. 🙁
I remember the first time Anna mentioned it. It kind of came out of the blue and she started to cry. So both of us have been telling her to try her best to ignore what she tells her. Well, unfortunately, things have been getting worse. Last week, that girl told Anna that she’s stupid! 😡 Erg… This girl is currently the only child and so tends to try to be controlling and authoritative. Both of us were so mad.
It’s hard to advise a 5-year-old on how to handle such situation. While being a Christian, we want to tell her to just love that girl unconditionally, I told myself that Ann’s 5 years old. She has no concept on what all that means, let alone being able to process how to not let such negative things not affect her. So until I believe she’s old enough to ignore those negative comments and still be able to befriend her, I told her (as calmly and nicely as possible) to avoid her and ignore what she says.
In her first year in school system, all I wanted for Anna to learn is adapt well into the system. I could care less about how smart she becomes or capable or such things. I want her to enjoy the school life. After all, she will be in it for 12 more years! So on Tuesday, we had our 2nd teacher-parent conference. Anna’s teacher is great. She loves her. And the teacher is great for most part. But she’s a teacher nonetheless and with all her responsibilities, this kind of situation was oblivious to her. So after the teacher spoke about her academic progress (and she’s doing just fine even if others are doing superior), I brought this issue with this particular girl.
Now that she’s aware of it, I hope the teacher does a bit more. And I do pray that Anna grows up to be a very understanding and accepting kind of person. But until I think she’s ready to even understand what that means, I am advising her to avoid her. Man, it’s tough being a parent… 🙁
Tough situation… I agree that a 5 year old cannot possibly understand what it means to (try to) love someone unconditionally. If Isaiah were in that situation, I would worry that telling him to simply ignore the other kid doesn’t address the unfairness of the situation that is surely causing him confusion. I didn’t stick up enough for myself when I was a child… so now if my own kid ever faces a situation like that, I’m going to explain to him that some people are just mean and that if they say mean things he should fight back with “I don’t like you too.” I’ll worry about teaching him about God’s love after he’s developed his own sense of self respect.
I see your point and I have thought that as well… trust me, I have. However, in doing so, I feel that I’d instill in her that retaliation is always a good and welcomed thing. Fight fire with fire. I can’t agree to that I guess… So I’d rather have her let her friend be. Let alone time and thought of her consequences speak. Something along those lines…
Yeah, that’s tough. Chance has had some similar situations. I try to relate it to something he understands. I also tell my kids that there are mean people out there, both children and adults and after trying nice a few times avoiding may be the best route. This reminds me of an old Irish Prayer…
May those that love us, love us.
Let God turn the hearts of those that don’t love us.
And if He can’t turn their hearts let Him turn their ankles,
so that we may know them by their limping.
Hehe…
-G