CHOICE: Out-reach

When it comes to reaching out and missions, I think of my very first time I went on mission trip.After all, it was through that that God had changed my life and my perspective.

Back when I attended St. John’s Korean United Methodist Church near Boston, I was merely finishing my first year in college.My roommate, Ben Koo, had returned from the church-sponsored mission trip to Thailand.His stories and pictures had stirred up something deep inside of me, and when Pastor John J. Lee encouraged me to pray about it, I did and on we went.

When we landed in Thailand, it was hot!Houston hot!The missionary that we worked with, Achan (Thai designation for someone of respect) Yang, was an ordinary looking middle-aged Korean man but was as dark as a native Thai and spoke just as fluent.His calling was rather striking.In the poorer countryside of Thailand in Chiang Mai area live a tribe known as Mong.They are considered and treated by Thai as third class citizens.And among them, there’s a village of lepers.It’s not a hereditary disease so when Achan Yang went there and started ministering, he realized that if the kids were to have any chance in life, they had to be moved elsewhere.So he started an orphanage in the area nearby and to give them a future and raise a new generation of Thai, he hand-picked promising kids and took them down to Bangkok and to basically feed them, shelter them, give them education, as well as raising them as Christians.This story alone spoke volume to me.Our role was rather simple.We were to go simply as encouragement to these forgotten brothers and sisters (as their self-esteem was rather low) and teach English classes for the summer.The classes would go for six weeks.I have never been a fan of class system and to see them being ignored for simply being from a nomadic tribe made me develop empathy.

After the classes were done, we visited that orphanage and the lepers’ village.I was not ready for it at all.The kids were congregating around us as if they had not seen a human for years.Though we only spent a day with them, my heart was broken, and upon my return to the States, I could not erase them from my poor memory.Over the next year or so, I had begun to struggle with the concept of life-long mission commitment.At first, I had only thought of the likes of savages eating the missionaries.However, when I overcame my own shallowness, God had implanted in me desire to serve these lost kids, the orphans, as my QTs came across numerous references to how God wanted us to oversee and look after the orphans, the aliens, the widows, and the poor.

Though I am struggling to go as long-term tent-makers (missionaries that are self-supported, as apostle Paul was) after paying off my debt, I take my current days as an opportunity and reminder to the God’s calling.I tell myself over and over again that I don’t have to wait till I am overseas somewhere to help the less fortunate as God would have me do, but that it should be a life-long goal.

CHOICE: Humility

Ah… the topic of enormous variety!  Which one do I pick?  While I have plenty to share about this topic (including my own depression), I wanted to stick to something that is more recent.

Almost everyone seems to think that rocket science is all that.  To me, it really isn’t.  You see, the only thing I did right when I was in college was by studying as if it was worship to God, to glorify Him by giving all that I have, and at the time, as a student.  I believe it is because of that I did well.But even with good grades, I knew that this job of rocket science wasn’t going to be all that easy.

For instance, last week was one that I perhaps may not care as much of.  Why?  For every (Shuttle) flight, I have to post-process the flight data.  This recent past flight, however, was not my average flight.  The data collecting system on the starboard side (right) didn’t initialize properly for some time.  So the automatic data processing now had to be done manually.Well, in the team of four (incl. my manager), no one really seemed to remember how to go about it manually.With time crunching in, I had struggled for days trying to figure out the scripts and programs to see where and what I had to change to make this work.In the end, it seemed like God was in control because I would always get that piece of data at the last minute unexpectedly from people and my own search, which reminded me that I am not the one in control.

Only with God’s grace did I finish that data processing, and not a moment too soon!Last week was indeed one of humility.  I’m only here because God allowed me to be.  I could become unemployed or be forced to change profession if God saw it fit.  All I can do now is to be a God-obeying rocket scientist.

CHOICE: Compassion

I thought I’d write this week about each of the CHOICE elements throughout the week as I pray on each topic each day (as Pastor Shawn suggested that we do) but write about something that hits home for me.

Well, in compassion, the first thing that came up in my head is my first year in England.  I was 12 then.  The only preparation I had prior to going to England was learning a few vocabulary words.  In other words, I didn’t know any.  With my father’s decision to attend seminary in England, we followed.  But for a 12 year old, nothing could prepare me for what I was about to face.

Back in ’85, there were no more than 2000 Koreans in England altogether.  Needless to say, I felt alienated.  Being thrown into a school system of unfamiliarity of both place and people, if I were shy before (and I was), I was now hidden.  My more outgoing younger brother had adjusted better than I had.  I just shriveled up and made minimal contact with those around me.  It wasn’t like other kids were trying to make an extra effort to the newcomer either.

Being forced to wear a uniform and this prison-like garment called a necktie, I had no idea of what others asked of me, from me, or about me.  Thus entered my guessing game for the first year.  I call it “Yes no game”.  It is basically taking any question that was thrown at me and I just did a simple guessing at the question and answering either yes or no.  I just watched the lips move.  In fact, my own theory on my personality having developed to the current state is that it was my own adaptation method to be able to deal with the situation.  That’s another story for another time. 

So what does this have to do with the compassion?  Plenty.  It still lingers strongly in my head what it felt like those first two years.  They were painstakingly rough and difficult.  For those of you that had grown up in the English-speaking country since infant years, this will not be a picture you can paint inside your mind very well, if at all.  Having gone through this painful process myself was in fact a God-given gift, to be able to share compassion with those that are new to this culture and this language. 

You see, I have realized that, over the years, compassion can’t really be had towards the people you do not understand what they are going through.  We all have had our different shares of tough times and difficulties.  But instead of trying to forget about it and shun it, I want to embrace it (yeah, I sound cheesy!) and allow it to help those around me to better embrace the new change that they themselves have to go through.  I pray that we all will.

Ah the perils of parenthood… decisions decision, decisions!!

I hated it when my father couldn’t make it to anything… be it our sports events, let alone spend more time with us.  He was always busy, and he had “good excuses” too… after all, he was a pastor!  Though I somewhat understood the price of being a PK (Pastor’s Kid), I had told myself that I would never let my kids pay the “price of ministry”.  Well, I’m not a pastor but here I am in the perils of things…

Soojin has been very brave and has been taking the kids to Young Nak’s VBS (Vacation Bible Study).  Someday, Pathways will have our own… but till then, this will do.  Well, tomorrow night is special.  Instead of typical 1 to 4 pm meeting time, tomorrow is from 3 to 9 pm!  And get this, the children are doing some kind of presentation at 7 pm or so!!  So I was at a dilemma of things…  It is someone’s special dinner that it coincides with! 

I was arguing with myself on what to do… but I came back to that decision one more time… that I would not let my kids suffer, especially at such young and tender age.  Anna already showed me some of the motions to a song that they will be doing tomorrow!  Ah…

So I am sorry that I won’t make the dinner…  Learning to put my kids first is turning out to be quite a difficult process!

PDA sponsored mission trip to New Orleans

I wanted to get this up before I forget the details…

So at 1:30 am Wednesday morning, I met up with Pastor Shawn and drove to Luling, Lousiana, a town nearby New Orleans.  With some breaks inbetween, we arrived at our destination at about 8 am.  I got total of 2 hours of sleep during the drive.  But I was still somewhat together and by the time we got there, we were already running late so we got back on to 90, onto I-310, and then onto I-10 towards into New Orleans.  Then off I-610, we took the exit for St. Bernard Blvd.  As soon as we made the left turn into the road, the damage and the impact of Katrina were obvious.  And severe.  Roads were more or less empty and the area was rather barren.  People were scarce.

When we found the house that we were to work on, the house had already been half way through gutting process.  We picked up where the team left off, and continued to hack through the walls.  Dry wall crumbled as we hammered it with hammers, pickets, and crowbars and shovels.  The task itself wasn’t too fancy nor was it very hard.  What made it difficult was the condition.

Since mold was everywhere from three weeks of being submerged in dirty water, mask was a definite must.  And with debris and moldy dust flying everywhere, goggles were also necessary.  Now, when you have all these safety equipment on, along with long sleeves and long pants to protect ourselves from the fiberglass insulation, we were sweating.  Every second!  I sweated so much that sometimes, I felt like drowning in my own sweat!    Not to mention that the breathing made the goggles fog up!  Esther wanted to call these “foggles” for keep foggin up!! 

Needless to say, repeated hacking, lifitng and moving eventually ate away at our conditions.  First two or three hours wasn’t so bad.  But after hacking and moving and carrying in the heat with all the gears and clothing, we began to slow down.  We would take frequent (and much needed) water breaks.  Lunch time was rather a painful time.  We would be so hungry that there was no energy left to work.  My arms felt like falling off!  Barely managing to eat, some nasty things had to be done as well.  One of the worst was taking out the rusted washer.  It wouldn’t have been so bad except for the fact that there was still water in it!  With laundry inside!!    It was nasty to the captial N!  And then we had to de-nail all the house!  There must’ve been at least several hundred nails if not more!  In fact, the girls think that there were at least 1000+ nails!

That was my first day.  When we returned to the camp site, our bodies were itching beyond bareable from the fiberglass.  We took shower twice and still itched.  Then came the chore duties for our team as PDA hosted several other teams from different churches and different areas.  Some of us cooked, took out trash from the site, cleaned the porta-potties, cleaned the shower rooms, did the dishes.  By the time all was done, it was well past 9 pm.  At this point, I was about to pass out, being sleep deprived and tired.

Still, the team gathered together to share QT and prayer requests.  The four sisters (Sung Eun, Joy, Joanna, and Esther) were holding up very well (though they were tired as well).  I had just missed Nick and Evelyn who had returned on Tuesday night.  After praying, I passed out at 10 pm!  If you know me, I normally go to sleep between 1 and 2 am! 

Fresh up and running at 5 am the next day, we ate breakfast, packed our own lunch, and headed out to our next house.  It was another run down house but full of things inside.  Only the windows were opened.  The house next to it (they were both off Crescent Ave) had grass and weeds growing several inches tall!  So while the girls were taking the rusted and trashed things out, P. Shawn and I began to mow the lawn.  The fact that these areas were submerged underwater for 3 weeks must have done something to the grass… ’cause the dirt and the grass were all messed up!  I then took up the challenge to enter this second house to find out that the windows were all locked up!!    This means that no one had opened this place up for past year!  The stench even with the mask on, was way too horrible, and beyond description!  I frantically used the crowbar to try to crack the windows open… but many were jammed very severely!  After P. Shawn and I managed to open some windows, we began clearning out the previous house.

Then something more personal happened.  A Caucasian gentleman of age around 50 or so stopped by.  He was the owner’s son.  He told us the story behind the house, and the street.  It turned out that this street was full of widows.  So it was full of grandmas living alone.  His mother had lived in it where he himself grew up since the age of 7 or so when the parents purchased the house.  The house next door that we just cracked the windows open also had a grandma who swam to the house next door to it but found herself trapped inside the attic (with the flooded water) and when help came three days later, it was too late for her…    Such story was just way too common.

I had noticed this early to mid ’90’s model purple Lincoln Continental that kept passing us by.  Since we didn’t know what to expect, I just kept keeping my eye out.  The next day (Friday), I found out.  We were eating lunch when he came by again.  He started to go through the trash that we had piled up.  P. Shawn suggested that we go say ‘hi’ so I took a bottle of water with me to give him and went to speak to him.  His name was Kenny, an African-American gentleman of age in his 40’s or so.  As I handed him a bottle of water and suggesting perhaps to use a pair of work gloves we have around to go through the pile, Kenny told me his own story as well.  He was from the east New Orleans and he had lost his home and his two cars to Katrina.  He threw out his back before Katrina and since the surgery, he couldn’t really work.  But he was good at repairing things, so he started to go around the neighborhoods and started to pick through the trash for things he could repair and restore and sell.  He did say, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”.    How true indeed.

Later that day, the grandma of the house we worked on dropped by with her son.  She was a very gentle looking lady.  She also told us of her story on the house.  When we suggested that she used a mask if she wanted to go inside, she said in a very definite voice that she didn’t want to go inside, that she wanted to remember the house the way it was.  She wanted to preserve her fond memories of this house.  I can’t blame her either.  But when Katrina came and her son stopped by to talk her into leaving, she told us the one lesson she learned:  that we can’t take everything with us.

With three real people and their stories to impact me, the work went on.  After loads of work on the house, the walls and the ceiling eventually crumbled down.  As tough as it was, I couldn’t help but think of these houses as our old sinful selves: the houses that needed to be torn down so that God could rebuild us fresh and new and beautiful, losing the spiritual mold and those darn cockroaches!  Despite the tough environment and hot weather, and despite my arms wanting to fall off my body, and my legs not wanting to move anymore, remembering this analogy gave me the urge to keep on going.  I just didn’t want to leave this moldy house standing.  The moldy walls and fiber glass had to be removed.  So we hacked away at it until our time was up.

We didn’t get to finish that house as our time there ran out.  But I was glad that we hadn’t given up and stopped.  I was glad to have been given the opportunity to go and help our brethrens nearby at the city of New Orleans.  Rita could’ve easily hit us, but Houston was spared.  Why?  I believe that it was so that we could help other cities in need.  I hope to be able to do whatever I can to continue to help.  Our turn for help may be just around the corner after all.

Pics will be coming as soon as Esther makes them available… my eyes and body were all swollen and puffed up.  I’m still itching from fiber glass.  But all is well and I thank God for such humbling time.  If you can, set apart a time and go and help our neighbors of New Orleans (and others).

The Cost of Inconvenience

Well, my mother-in-law is leaving to go back to Korea tomorrow.  It’s a mixed feeling really personally.  As some (mostly guys ) suggested, it has been a bit … inconvenient past near 3 months.  Having to keep an eye out to make sure I don’t do stupid things or say stupid things to her most of the time…

We’ve had “mild” clashes having different minds and all… but overall, it’s been anything but bad.  Awesome food.  Kids love her to death.  Soojin’s happy (most of the time).  So what if it’s slightly inconvenient?!  I almost thought that if she didn’t mind this place, I would ask her to just *GASP* live with us! 

But alas, she hates it here, not the kids or us, just being so… displaced.  She misses seeing people on the street and not being able to go around as she pleases.  Oh well… The tough part is in the (coming) separation.

Just last night as she tried to explain to my daughter how she will be returning to Korea, Anna told her to “just go and sleep for a day and come back with lots of presents.”    When she figures out that she won’t return for at least a year (if not more), she’s gonna be devastated.  Not to mention even JJ will miss her… 

And don’t even get me started on Soojin!  She already started crying…   Sheesh… crying is my sheer weakness.  Sad faces and tears just make me weak…  I guess it’s my version of kryptonite.  Please pray for Soojin to be strong, to keep God in her focus.  But what will make it even tougher is that I will be gone too from Wednesday thru Friday night.  I will be joining our church’s (Pathways Church) mission team to go to near New Orleans to help rebuild and clean up the neighbors near us.    So she will be by herself trying to play with kids who have been spoiled (in a good sense) by their grandma.

Ah… the perils of humanity… is only to draw closer to another human.  Why?  Because the fear of attachment (and separation) is what we fear…    I will end this entry with the quote from old Monkees’ song, “Daydream Believer“. 

Cheer up, sleepy jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

Cheer up Soojin.

Hairdo & Circus

So I found out that the Ringling Bros. & Barnum and Bailey Circus was coming to town!  And since both Anna and JJ were somewhat old enough to enjoy it, I bought some tickets and took the whole family last night!    Well, it also turned out that Soojin had never gone to one!  Double bonus!

But prior to the event and unbeknownst to moi, my mother-in-law did this to my poor li’l boy JJ… 

Yeah, yeah… my wife thought it was really cute…    And this was his hair “in action”…

And here’s the circus in action…

The best of the show was the guy in the above picture… that’s right… the guy that looks like Vanilla Ice 

He was DA BOMB!  Such a good combination of the comedy acts and acrobat acts!!  Couldn’t get enough of him!!  The best of his stuff was the bouncing acts from the jumping board!  You know it if you went to the “Greatest Show on earth!” 

Here’s the mother and the daughter pic…