With so many parents going just about bonkers in how to raise their cihldren, teaching them piano and violin at the age of 4, finding ways to sign up all kinds of things to learn and all, I feel like … I haven’t left Korea! 😮
The mania is catching up here as more and more parents are focusing on education and jobs and future. I find it hard to raise my kids to be… well, kids. Sending the kids to the best montessori and seeing if he/she learns faster than other kids, or develops skills faster… we, the parents, have become monsters.
In the light of this, but even well before this, I wanted my kids to grow up being kids, enjoying their youth, and not having to worry about if they can pass pre-algebra. I’m not against education. I just don’t want to get carried away like all the other parents who think that montessori is a life-changing decision for their kids.
All I want my kids to learn before they attend school is to know and learn just one thing: that their parents love them dearly. More than skills and education, I feel that today’s children grow up without the much needed basic essentials like being confident of themselves, and knowing who they are. I believe that most of this comes from the parents. I pray that Soojin and my love will be so evident that Anna and JJ will not even question whether they feel loved or not. I believe that when a child is so sure of his/her parents’ love for him/her, the child will begin life with the firm foundation. One’s self-confidence and direction, after all, comes from love. This in no way means that we will spoil them either as I can’t tolerate such selfish actions. Discipline, I believe, is also an action out of love when done responsibly.
If my kids want to learn piano and ballet, that’s one thing. I do want to push new things at them so they can experience new things of life, but I in no way ever will SHOVE it down to their throat. I will have thanked God for allowing me to be their source of confidence in their such malleable lives.
I pray that that is not asking too much: for them to grow up learning in their hearts that we love them. More than knowledge, recognition, fame, wealth, and materials, I want my kids to grow up enjoying life God has given them and live them for God to the fullest.
Peter, This is MY message to parents. I’ve expressed this philosophy in strong terms on the frontpage of my office website:
http://www.smes.org/college
Colleges complain that their students make terrible miscalculations when they arrive on campus because their parents never allowed them to take risks growing up, which translates into learning very little about how to handle life.
Thanks for this perspective, bro.
I hear you brother… I pray that I never become such pushy parent. I don’t want them to grow up thinking “I wish I didn’t have to do that…” about their past because of me or my wife’s decisions.
Peter,
This is an interesting subject for me, because my wife and I both had a lot of pressure from family to pursue careers not of our choosing. My dad was a lawyer and was appalled that I wanted to be an engineer. On the other hand, Susan’s dad is an engineering professor, and she was in engineering school for a while, but pretty much hated it.
I wonder if there are parents who are poets, who gripe that their children ruined their lives by becoming brain surgeons?
We homeschool so have thought a lot about educating our kids, what is important and what must come from outside formal education.
I wrote a little about that a while back on my personal blog [http://spaces.msn.com/4lightside/blog/cns!6030B10D45660AB4!120.entry?_c11_blogpart_blogpart=blogview&_c=blogpart#permalink]
You’re right that knowing they’re loved is so important, and this will really help their self-image and social skills. I know a guy who was best friends with his dad (hard for me to even imagine) and he is really good with people, great at sales, etc.
One part of love is acceptance. Kids need to be accepted for who they are, not who we want them to be. That’s why I’m trying real hard to support them whatever they want to study and do, as long as they work hard at it.
Gordon
Right on. This is a heart-felt conviction of mine… though my parents did let me become an engineer (my father is a pastor), they were always very pushy on education. I didn’t get to drive till I was senior in high school because they wanted me to focus on college and SAT education! 🙁 As long as my kids don’t want to be bums, I want them to do what they want to do… and to support them and, as you said it, accept them for it. Thanks for sharing and I will check your entry…
Great post Peter! I feel similar. I do hope that my kids find someting they can develop a passion for while they are still young. Something they can focus on while they journey toward adulthood.
-Greg
u are a tyrannical parent-zilla! u need some therapy!
j/k 😀
i see ur effort bro…i pray that i might keep those same points in perspective as ethan gets older.
“parent-zilla”…i think i’m gonna use that one on u more often. bahahahahahahaha!!!!