Category: Personal

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Misfits

Ever since I was a kid, I felt like I didn’t fit in. To anything.

I was a bookworm between the ages of 9 and 13. Loved maths. And physics. Soon after that, I realized that I was a nerd to the core. And to top that off, I was a geek. With that came my interesting (not-so-interesting to most) habits. Mild ones were like stamp and coin collecting. Doing puzzles was another. More geeky ones were like reading comic books, watching butt loads of anime and scifi TV and movies.

God calls us all to be something and someone. After much struggle at self-acceptance of who I was, I realized that it takes one to know one. Being a misfit helped me identify with other misfits… of most kinds. Misfits appear because of only one reason: unacceptable attitudes of others who follow the norm. Some of the most unaccepting kinds are also liberal and democrats. What gives?! I thought liberals were supposed to be the most “open minded”! (runs to the corner and embraces for projectiles)

Taking the name calling aside, unless you were in the popular crowd, we all have had different and unique habits and hobbies at least once in our lives. If not yet, it will come later in life. Human’s simplest desires are basic, and one of them is simply to be accepted for who we are. Not demanding changes, but simply making the effort to understand and comprehend.

Once you start going calling people misfits, and different, you go towards worse places: prejudice and genocides. That’s what you do towards those that seem out of place in order to make yourselves look better. In the words of Jack Nicholson in “Mars Attacks”, “Little people, why can’t we all just get along?”

Preventing things like Darfur genocide and anti-semitism, and racism all begins at the basic level… learning to accept people who are different from us. And that’s 99.9999%!

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Chaos Theory (2007): Movie Review

I came across this movie in some what random manner… however, upon watching it, the movie just warmed up my heart… big time. First, big props to Ryan Reynolds for an excellent acting. This is my first time seeing him acting so big so well. And I don’t get impressed often. He was always playing goofy parts (ie. Scrubs and Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place). Yet, here he is playing a very serious role of a father and a husband.

And the plot is even better. One that should touch anyone’s heart, of love and betrayal. But for some reason, the ending was the best for me… and the favorite part, I took out and personally typed it up in this quote… Frank Allen is the character that Ryan Reynolds plays, the main character…

Franik Allen: It turns out there are few things that are more chaotic than that of a human heart. Speeding up, slowing down, pretty face, flight of stairs, it’s always changing no matter what happens. It’s an erratic son of a bitch. But underneath all that bump to bump mess, there is in fact, a pattern, the truth. And it’s love. Most important thing about love is we choose to give it. And we choose to receive it, making it the least random act in the entire universe. It transcends blood, it transcends betrayal, and all that dirt that makes us human. If you can figure that out, Jake’s got nothing on you.

That is huge. And so true. I pray that we will also choose to give and receive love. I give it 8/10.

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Lifebits Update

As many have been asking, Soojin is slowly getting better. She’s been able to attend Sunday services. (yeah!) She takes the kids to the local playground and some days to the local library. But she says that even these outings will tire her out.

Kids are finally missing home… and their daddy! 😀 Call me mean but I was glad to hear that. 😛 They miss their lives here in the States… and Anna is counting down the days till she returns! However, on the plus side, she has been taking “piano lessons”, which is primarily learning how to read music notes. And she’s loving it! 😮 So I am very glad to hear that she is learning something new and enjoying herself in the process… They are watching lots of Korean children’s cartoons… I don’t know how they will adapt once they return to the States… JJ didn’t want to try taekwondo. Oh well…

Speaking of JJ, he’s been showing more and more of OCD (obssessive compulsive disorder) symptoms. Even earlier on, he had to get things done just the way he liked it. He couldn’t leave windows and doors open, and would go and close them. I sure hope it’s a phase… My theory/take is that smart and intelligent people tend to be OCD as well. I know quite a lot of intelligent people and they are mostly like that. I would trade intelligence for social aptitude ANY day! Being able to work with others, and accepting others who are different, and ability to work with different people is what I consider more valuable in society. Of course, it’s not like I want my son to be deliberately failing and/or stupid. By no means! I’m just saying that between intelligence and social aptitude, I’d pick the latter… hands down. Well behaved is included in that as well! 😛

On a more personal note, I was planning on biking to work 4 times this week. However, I didn’t get up till too late on Tuesday and ended up driving to work. I biked in yesterday. But that meant that I’d have to bike in both today and Friday! 🙁 I was hoping to do two days at a time … but realized how weak my will power is. So after asking my Bible study group to pray for some will power, I just moved my lazy ass out of the bed, and dragged my butt out of home and biked in! 🙂

Changing habits is hard. We, humans, are creatures of habits. Breaking free from bad ones is tough enough… but incorporating good habits is not any easier… one day at a time… to God be the glory… and here’s biking in tomorrow (and not giving in!!)!

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Korean Word: ? (pronounced “jung”)

There was this girl when I was in Austin while I helped out at Austin KPC.  It was her last year in college and she was going to move to a faraway place to Boston for more schooling.  She had a rough year, and all she had was resentment, frustration, and bit of anger mixed into one gigantic concoction.  Her graduating class seemed so… hopeless to her.  They seemed to to be not trying… at least in her sight.  So when I had a chance to speak with her, she complained of them and told me how she wouldn’t miss Austin.  She really meant the people.

I told her then, just as I would again now if the opportunity came back, that no matter how much people had upset you and made you flabbergasted, when time goes by, you will miss them.  In fact, that you would long to see them again, and even perhaps want to relive that moment.  She didn’t think so.  I saw her briefly few years later… and she had told me that indeed, that is the case.

There’s a word in Korean language that my good friend, Professor Paul Andre Minifee, understood all too well.  ?.  There’s no English equivalent word for it.  It is similar to affection, having developed a sense of bond, of belonging, of family, and becoming a part of that person’s life.  It’s like as if you have imparted in that person(s) a part of you in them and so when they are far away, you miss them.  You long for them.

I have been nearly married (come next June 9) seven years.  Seven freaking years.  Time just goes by.  Did my use of that f-word startle you?  Does that seem to imply that I’m not happy for past 7 years?!  Well, it would be partially true.  But only in very small part.  You see, as I have been telling whoever seems to need to hear it, we fought practically on a daily basis the first couple of years of our marriage.  It’s sheer God’s grace that we had pulled through it all.  When Soojin and Anna stayed in Korea for 2 months back five years ago, I hadn’t missed them so much (save for that stupid movie with the worst intro called “Finding Nemo“!).

However, now that we have been together for 7 years, having lived with my daughter for 6 years, and JJ for 4 years, I have developed a sense of “jung” towards them.  It just seemed like yesterday when JJ’s constant waking up at 3 am would drive both of us nuts!  It seemed like yesterday that Anna would simply just cry to put a stop to her father’s impending punishment.  And it still feels like we just fought yesterday.  Now, I miss them.  Terribly.

Funny how life changes a person.  As time goes by, through the thick and thin, you develop this special kind of bond.  I suppose this is what you call marriage.  And a family.  What used to bother me, I’d trade everything I have to just have it back!  I miss JJ snoring (like his father) at night.  Anna sleeps like a stick (or a frog, depending on her fatigue level) at night.  Soojin is… unreadable only sometimes.

I now find myself again finding God to be… a bit of a comic.  To make us as we are, I just can’t stop thinking about what He must’ve been thinking when designed and created us!  I’m not lovable by any means… but I guess God had developed a sense of ? (jung) towards us: both lovable and annoying at the same time.  It’s going to be tough three months, but we are all in a place God wants us to be…

I miss everyone … all the people I had met in the past.  I wonder if that girl, who is now married, would still tell me that she misses those people from Austin…

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Dilemmas: Presidential Election 2008

Man… I don’t know who to vote for this time around!

My liege to the Reps has been long dwindling with Bush jr.’s poor choices and performance.  The killer was his denying that we are not in a recession!  WTH?!  Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have to pay for gas and rising food cost!  😡  So anyhow, I was doubtful of it…

Then decent looking candidate arose, and his name was Ron Paul!  But alas, despite my vote for him, he lost.  🙁  Then McCain won.  Don’t get me started on him!  The deal breaker was finding out that he and his aides were behind supporting EADS in earning the $40 billion air tanker deal from Air Force!  😡  😡

And then there are the Dems!  Oh where do I start?!  Hilary?!!  Poo ha ha ha!!  And last time I heard, she’s on the losing streak… and Obama?  His very nature and sense of who he is just… bothers me!  No one can be THAT nice!  Let me rephrase that… No politician can be that nice!  And he just seems too… inexperienced… not to mention that he will kill the space program!

Oh the sheer dilemmas!!  🙁  Ron, why did you lose, Ron?!!  This is going to be a tough year… and tough 4 years after that!!!  God help us all!!

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Changing the Driving Habits: Reaction to Gas Prices

Now, gas prices near my area has gone up to $3.70/gallon! 🙁 So in order to conserve fuel as much as possible, I have adapted myself to change the driving habits.

  1. When coming up to red light ahead, I take my foot off the gas pedal and cruise as much as I can.
  2. Use cruise control in highway if weather and traffic permits.  (Using cruise control in rain is not safe!)
  3. Accelerate as mildly as possible.  When you gun it, you force the engine to not fully combust the fuel.
  4. Avoid driving in the heat/daytime if possible.  Driving in heat will make your engine and other things run less efficiently.
  5. Drive slowly.  Or to clarify, avoid driving fast.

The last point is what has been the most difficult.  Yesterday, on my way back from the Montrose Street Outreach, I decided to keep cruise control at 60 mph.  That’s even slow in my book!  😮  But I thought to myself, it’s not like I have people waiting for me at home or need to be in a hurry.  That put the engine speed at 2200 rpms.  Usually, cruising at 65 mph would keep that at higher revs of 2500 rpms.  Just remember, lower rpms the less gas it uses.

I seriously don’t know how much this will save on gas… but as I also bike to work more and more, hopefully, all things will help ’cause it sure don’t seem like gas prices will be coming down anytime soon!  Or at all!

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Missing the Family…

Last time Soojin was in Korea, it was 5 years ago and Anna was just a year old.  However, I didn’t have that hard of a time… this time around, I was trying to distract myself by watching loads of movies and such… but it’s harder this time around…

Soojin is sick in Korea, and the kids are there too.  I called the kids one day… and found out that JJ was crying for daddy when his aunt was putting him to sleep.  That was such a major tear jerker!  🙁  With finding out how much of an awesome person Soojin is for reaching out for Christ even while being hospitalized, and I miss them so much.

At least I got to spend some quality time with Anna and JJ… they had such a blast walking around the city of Chonju… and eating loads of Korean cookies and popsicles.  🙂